


Wade's Meeting

by Bottom_PeteParker



Category: Christian Bible, Deadpool - Fandom, Marvel, Spiderman - Fandom
Genre: April Fools, Inside jokes, Jesus - Freeform, M/M, Memes, Multi, Peter Parker - Freeform, Porn, Smut, Wade Wilson - Freeform, epic fight scene, first fanfik dont b mad, groupchat, jesus h christ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 15:34:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10516635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bottom_PeteParker/pseuds/Bottom_PeteParker
Summary: Wade wakes Peter up for a very important meeting.-plz b nice i never wrote a fanfik before besides my other 7-





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Death_Herself](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Death_Herself/gifts), [chainsmokingnun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chainsmokingnun/gifts).



Wade shakes Peter awake before digging through the bedside drawers. "Wade! Im trying to sleep and my ass hurts so be quiet!" He pulls the covers over his head and rolls over. "Sorry Spidey but youre thicker than a bowl of oatmeal, thick with two C's. Author isnt going to spell it that way because this is suppose to be a serious work but who cares."

"Wade Wilson its too early for this shit." He puts a pillow over his head, hoping to suffocate himself. "Then next time dont scream 'harder' so many times." He throws clothes onto the bed. "Get dressed I have to go to a meeting!"


	2. Chapter 2

Peter stands on the sidewalk in his Spiderman costume and Wade hands him a gun. Wade has lots of guns. And his katana. And his other katana.

"Wade you know I dont like guns, or killing." 

Wade takes back the gun.


	3. Chapter 3

They use webs to go to the church.


	4. Chapter 4

They go into the church


	5. Chapter 5

"Wade no guns in church!" Peter flicks his ear. 

"Ow"


	6. Chapter 6

As the proceed to enter the cathedral Wade's aura is abundant with heavy waves of radiation, throwing forth unease and anxiety. Peter's senses are searching for every cacophony and every movement. In the bosom of the institution two nuns have assembled, postures rigid and the smoke in the air seems... foreboding.

The anchorite women circumvolution to face them, cigarette vapor polluting the space of the church. Smoking, an action prohibited by the parish.

Wade extract his blades from their respective scabbard, pose suggesting immediate violence is present. Peter anticipates this danger, ready for combat.


	7. Chapter 7

"Dude are we gonna fight?" Peter glances at Wade behind his mask.

"Yup"


	8. Chapter 8

"Are we gonna fight them?" The one nun says to the other, glancing at the other.

"Yup"


	9. Chapter 9

The first one runs over and kicks Peter right in the dick.

"What the fuck ?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!"

"Hey thats my boyfriends dick you cunt!"


	10. Chapter 10

The second attack was a hard smack

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

to his butt. It was Wade.


	11. Chapter 11

The fight was intense. The nun who kicked his dick was like a ninja. A nunja. Flying scissor kicks and punches to the gut were her favorite. When Peter crawled onto the ceiling she threw bibles at him, so hard they broke the ceiling.

Meanwhile, the second had stolen one of Wades katanas and were jousting with them, like Lindsay Lohan vs Lindsay Lohan in the Parent Trap. Peter webbed it away from her and stuck it to the ceiling. Wade threw his into the air and Peter took that too, for safe keeping. He pulled out a gun and the nun got out two. So Wade got a four.

Peter's opponent hit the wall with a cross-knife. A cross with a knife blade at the end. He screamed and webbed her to the floor.

Wade's nun screamed as the other wriggled on the floor. She ran over to help her friend but her shadow continued as if it was fighting. "Ow! What kind of Peter Pan ass bullshit is this?!" His mask tore.

Peter webbed the other nun on top of the other, a pile of Jesus ladies on the floor. The candles around the church burned brighter. 

"Yall fucked now" they say in union


	12. Chapter 12

Wade  _and_ the shadow stop fighting. 


	13. Chapter 13

Some sexy dude made of fire with a crown of chili peppers shows up and its not Johnny Storm back from a a chili farm

 

"Its the Spicy King" the first nun says.

The Spicy King is wearing crocs with the little plug things in them, the ones that look like shapes and were croc accessories, except they were plugged with tiny skulls.

"Hey dude" says the second one. He just dabs.

"Oh...My...God... he's a Spicy  ** _Meme_** King" Wade screams


	14. Chapter 14

Spicy Meme King freed the nuns


	15. Chapter 15

The nuns switch fighters, Shadow and her nun go to Peter and the other dude goes to Wade and kicks his dick too


	16. Chapter 16

Peter is held down by the nun as her Shadow rips off his mask and shoves ambrosia, which randomly appeared, down his throught.

His Northeasterner stomach cant handle that garbage and is he swallows he'll be poisoned. Spitters are quitters but at least quitters can fight nuns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> northeasterner is a joke from the show trial and error on like fx i think


	17. Chapter 17

Wade staps the Dick Kick Nun.

To stap someone is when you slap them with a knife and stab them right after. 

"The author hopes its not some gross slang word"


	18. Chapter 18

Peter pushes the shadow and the nun shrieks.

 

"Taylor! Come get Shadow!"


	19. Chapter 19

Taylor Swift gets the Shadow "You should be ashamed of yourself. Shes a kid you sick fuck"


	20. Chapter 20

"Hey is that Taylor Swift?!" Wade asks


	21. Chapter 21

"Yep. And I dont know about you, but Im feeling 22"

 

Taylor Swift smears red lipstick over Wades mask, on the eye part, and then headbutts him and leaves


	22. Chapter 22

The Spicy Meme King teleports the nuns next to him and they all start screaming. 

 

Wade and Peter pass out


	23. Chapter 23

When they wake up everything is fine except theyre both beat up and Peters dick hurts a little


	24. Chapter 24

"What the fuck was that about Wade?!" Peter groans.

"Merc business babe, merc business."

"So is it a killing thing? No killing.

"No"

"Dont lie."

"I would never! This is the Lords house!"

"We fought two nuns, a mutant ghosty thing, and a super sexy super awesome dude that all the ladies love and respect and everyone just loves him so I dont know why we were fighting him, in Gods house."

"Okay and?"

"And you were shooting four guns ar a time.How does that work?!"

"I dunno"

"Wade tell the truth."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"They havent updated [Hiding in the Shadows](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8755330/chapters/20069176) yet. I have to kill them. I get $100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000.05 for it. Also theyre a menace to society and killed thousands of people."


	25. Chapter 25

They start kissing because Peter loves that fik, or at least thats what he tells Wade. He doesnt know what a fik is. 

He doesnt know fik but he knows fuk


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everything in italics in this chapter is from the 50 Shades Books. Smh

Peter gasp when Wades fingers poke his nipples. His _sharp intake of breath is music to_ Wades _dick._  His _cheeks are coloring their familiar rosy pink, like_ her _ass last night_. Wade whispers in his ear, _his voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel... or something._ "Now Spidey, we cant do this here. We have to leave room for Jesus, as your little friend Double D's nun ladies would say."

"Please don't say nuns, my dick dont kicked."

"Same." 

They kiss some more. Wades finger goes from Peters nipple to butt. Then his head, shoulders, knees and toes. Knees and toes. He takes off Peters pants and he takes off Peters golves. His spiderman shoes and mask and shirt are on. 

Only dick and thighs. 

"Oh my diddly doodly I can see your pool noodly neighborino!" 

"Did I hear Ned Flanders? I was on my way to get over here before but I had to run when I heard Ned. I'd let Ned Flanders bend me over and spank me with a bible for being a bad girl anyday." says Jesus.

 

They both stare at him. Because he's Jesus.

 

"Now....lets make room some room."  _His tone is so... so directorial, his usual control freak._ They _can imagine him as an old-time movie director wearing jodhpurs, holding an old-fashioned megaphone and a riding crop. The image makes_ them _laugh out loud._ He acts like he owns the place as he commands them to part before he steps between them. His dad owns the place, not him. So entitled


	27. Chapter 27

"I died for your sins so lets sin." Jesus licks Spidermans dick and his Jesus magic heals it. Wade takes out his dick too


	28. Chapter 28

"I might turn water into wine but tonight Im making your asses mine."


	29. Chapter 29

Jesus has a threesome with Deadpool and Spiderman.

He humps their butts.

The church's candles are really bright, illuminating the four silhouettes in the window.


	30. Chapter 30

"I told you it would be extra spicy." Says the Spicy Meme King. 

They all watch from the window. The nuns have gay sex on the lawn and Taylor Swift shakes her head. "If this wouldnt make such a good song Id be mad."

"If God hates fags then why is his son parting Spidermans legs like Moses parted the Red Sea?" says the Meme King.

everyone is gay and everything is on fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg thnx 4 all the love on my first fanfik ive never made a fik before this is so good f u enjoyd u can mesage me and donate $2USD for my charity called Everyone Loves Butt Sex With Christ wear u can help covert strate men into buttsex for christ amen
> 
> hapee aprils tools luv all my stanz


End file.
